I Wanna Take You to a Gay Bar!

I’m very sorry for the delay with this blog. It’s be a wee while hasn’t it? The future wife and I went on holiday to Greece and then we just chilled for a few weeks. I got lazy and for that, I apologise! I hope y’all are doing ok??

So, while we were in Greece we thought it would be a right laaaaarf to find our nearest gay bar and have an old school night out. We haven’t been out to a gay bar for donkeys years so we decided to go for it! We googled our nearest, which was called ‘Silk’ and we booked it in to our mental diaries. The website promised a drag queen too. We went out for a late dinner and then strolled up the road to Silk. Sadly, lights were off, door was boarded and there was no sign of life whatsoever. We felt sad! Not just for us and our change of plans by for the LGBT people of Corfu. It turns out, that was literally the first and last gay bar on the entire island! So why didn’t it last??

It got us thinking – are gay bars dying out? One of my earliest gay memories (lesbories, if you will) was my older friend taking me to our local gay bar and sneaking me in. I was 15 so it was right exciting for me. It was open in the afternoon so we popped in and played some pool and smoked indoors (yes, that was a thing. And no, I don’t smoke anymore!) When I became 18, that same bar was my sanctuary. I went religiously every Wednesday night on student night and danced the night away. Swiftly followed by a gross Chinese; a classic night out. I’ll never forget the first time I went once I was 18. I walked in and saw all the other girls in low baggy jeans with their pants hanging out. Some wore lumberjack style shirts and others were dressed in a classic white t-shirt. It was superdry for as far as the eye could see and It all just clicked in to place for me. These were my people! I wasn’t such a freak after all. Other girls like to have their arses hanging out their jeans too. It was an absolute epiphany.

I grew up and haven’t been back there in years. I think I stopped going frequently at the age of 21/22 but I did have some local favourite gay bars that I’d always revisit on a sunny day. Sadly, most of them seem to have disappeared. It must be said, gay bars are somewhat dingy, aren’t they? It’s kinda what we love about them. They are dark, the toilets are falling apart and haven’t been redecorated since Tony Blair was responsible. The music is cheesy and the floors are sticky but that’s the charm! However, with my tasteful and more mature (pahaha) brain on, why would we want to go there? There are so many nice bars around these days with modern music and clean toilets where the seat doesn’t fall off…

The question is, do LGBT people still feel that their local gay bar is their sanctuary? Is it where we go to find ‘our people’? Do we still feel unwelcome and/or nervous in straight establishments? Is there such a thing as a ‘straight’ establishment? Now, it may be because I live in Brighton/ the South generally but I can’t help but feel that times have changed. Things have moved on. Maybe there isn’t that same need for a gay bar because we are generally much more accepted elsewhere? Or maybe it’s because people are changing and gay bars aren’t. Why can’t we find one that is modern, does play the latest ‘trendy’ music and hasn’t got that dark and dingy vibe? I sometimes worry that a ‘gay’ night out is a bit of a jokey thing, a bit like going to flares on an 80’s night out. It’s not deemed as a valid option for a serious night out clubbing. Am I totally off the mark? I mean, I don’t actually go out clubbing so my knowledge on the front line is limited.

I loved my local. It was a place where I could wear what I felt comfortable in, have my arse hanging out to my hearts content and not stand out. I could be with who I wanted and not worry about hiding it and I spend many nights dancing away to some old classics. On the one hand, I want that for us all. Why should we worry on a night out about whether people are looking? But also, if gay bars are dying out because the problem is resolving itself then this is a great thing! I mean, I feel happy enough holding hands with my girlfriend or kissing her wherever I want (within reason). So maybe society has progressed and there is just no need for that sanctuary anymore?

I’d be really interested to hear from you lot on my theories as I generally am not sure! In the words of my old English teacher, discuss…

How To Be Taken Seriously…


I’m facing a conundrum this week. I know I’ve touched on clothing choices in a previous blog but it came up in my life and I’m really baffled!

So, I had a team ‘away day’ with work and we got on to talking about whether we were taken seriously in our field of work and what we can do to combat that. We discussed something called ‘imposter syndrome’ which is apparently very common throughout all seniority levels in a work place. It’s the feeling of ‘am I really qualified for this?! When will they discover that I can’t actually do this?!’

I’m 28 years old and have been fulfilling a relatively serious management role for the past year in a Local Authority – within a Children’s Services department. Pretty important stuff – sure. Majority of my work is office based at my desk or in meetings with other professionals i.e. not customer facing.

Now, I hate work clothes. I’ve always struggled with looking smart. I feel like a total fraud and it genuinely does affect my performance and comfort levels at work. I just feel like everyone is looking at me thinking ‘who on earth does she think she is?!’ (Imposter syndrome) But I also really struggle to find a work look that I feel comfortable in. Most other females at work wear skirts or dresses when they want to look smart and I sure as hell won’t be doing that. I also won’t be seen in heels or ‘pumps’ or whatever they are called. I wear my maroon converse, black jeans and shirt/jumper and I feel very happy about it. I have a multitude of rings, a tight necklace, a nose piercing and lots of earrings shimmying up both ears… it’s what makes me, me.

However, at this away day my boss starting talking about how we need to present ourselves in a certain way if we want to be taken seriously. She spoke about dressing smart, wearing more makeup and not “looking like a child”. It’s a well-known and frequently discussed topic within my team that I am not the most professionally dressed worker. My colleague framed it nicely by saying I ‘do casual well’. I took it as a compliment of course!

Anyway – when my boss made these remarks, I felt my blood starting to boil. My face went red and my voice got a bit louder… very out of character for me, may I add. I told the rest of them that if they want me to present well and work to the best of my ability, I need to be feeling confident in myself and not feel like I’m trying to be something I’m not. The debate went on for a while. The older members of the team agreed that you need to dress a certain way in order to be taken seriously. The younger crew in the room argued that people’s views of us should be based on our actions and what comes out of our mouths, not what shoes we are wearing! I’m typing really fast coz I’m angry again!!

I’ve reflected on this a lot since that meeting on Wednesday. I can understand it to some extent. I obviously wouldn’t walk in to an important Board meeting with rips in the knees of my jeans or in a zip up hoody (umm… I may have done that once but it was cold…). But if I want to have my ears and nose pierced and wear my converse, what possible difference does it make to my ability to do my job well? Why should it matter?

Growing up, my Mum always told me to wear more eye liner or wear different clothes so I clearly have some innate issues to work through here. But I’m also going to make a stand! I’ll wear what makes me comfortable while remaining respectful of my colleagues. I will also continue to work to the best of my ability. The two are not related!

Spraggers talks about it a bit in this interview which I enjoyed reading this morning.

My shoe choice hasn’t hindered me so far. So I say keep feeling comfortable in what you wear and keep working hard and to a high standard. Better to be in trainers and know what you’re talking about than in heels and talking rubbish! 🙂



A Real Page Turner

Juno who I think is a really great LGBT role model? I just want to whip it in to context for you, right form the inception of this blog …

Ok ok, you guessed – I wanna talk about Ellen Page. We often hail LGBT heroes who have been around for a while and really paved the way for the younger generation (Ellen DeGeneres, Ian McKellen, Elton John etc… the list goes on). What I love about Ellen P is that we have seen her journey. I am a similar age to Ellen and I feel as though we’ve travelled through this queer journey in similar stages. We all remember being strangely drawn to her in Juno but not reaaally understanding why… 😊

Since then, we have seen her awkwardly date men (fair play, we all tried it), come out extremely bravely and publicly and then develop in to a comfortable, open LGBT activist. She has also recently married a lady who she often simply refers to as ‘my love’. Nice!

Back to that coming out speech in 2014 – “I’m tired of lying by omission. I suffered for years because I was scared to be out. My sprit suffered, my mental health suffered and my relationships suffered”. I reckon lots of us could say that sentence and know it to be true of ourselves. I also know I couldn’t have said it for the first time in front of the world in Las Vegas! She was so brave. The fear and shakiness in her voice speaks volumes.

That nervous and brave human has gone on in the last four years to present a series called ‘Gaycation’ – where she and her best friend explore LGBT cultures in different locations around the world. They went to Brazil (the country with the highest LGBT murder rate!!) and to Jamaica (another extremely homophobic nation) amongst other less intimidating places. I remember seeing one episode where she sat with someone holding their hand while they came out to their own parents. Amazing!

Anyway – I sound like I’m trying to sell her next film or something! I’m not. And to be honest, I didn’t know just how much admiration I had for her until I started writing this. I’m pleased and proud to have been able to watch the journey of one of our best LGBT advocates. It’s pretty cool stuff an I bet she goes on to do some pretty awesome things.

I’d be interested to hear from you lot on who your favourite or most influential LGBT current advocates are. Are we entering in to a new generation with people like Olly Alexander, Mhairi Black, Adam Rippon and hey – maybe even Harry Styles?! Let me know yours! Does an LGBT influencer event need to be LGBT themselves? So many questions…


Sunshine Blogger Award!

Brrr it’s so cold this week. I hope that those of you reading this in England kept safe and warm. I’ve just had a plumber round to fix my bathroom drainage pipe which was totally frozen inside and out and therefore not letting any water through. That’s excessively cold, even for this country!

Anyway, all this talk of cold weather makes me think about the summer and the sunshine. Speaking of which, I was kindly nominated by a fellow blogger this week for the Sunshine Blogger Award! (Seamless link, right?!)

So, the rules are, I am to answer eleven questions as set out by my nominator. I can write my own set of new questions and nominate others for the same award. They then have to answer my questions!

Such fun I tell you! I must say, I haven’t been blogging for very long so for someone to think of me is extremely kind. Thank you very much to @StoryofI – and make sure you check that blog out too!

So here are my answers:

  • Why do you blog about your specific topic? 

I’ve always wanted to feel like I’m doing something to offer support and/or advice to young LGBT people. My own experience was hard at times and I think anyone who has had an experience of any kind should offer support to others who may be going through a similar thing. My paid work is in child welfare and it’s something I feel pretty damn strongly about!

  • What is your best life advice? 

Hmmm… good one. My favourite phrase is ‘optimism is the key!’. It’s not always easy but a positive outlook and attitude can go a long way.

  • What is the best advice you have ever gotten from someone else? 

My Grandma once told me that you get out of life what you put in to it. I’ve found this to be accurate. If you want reward and happiness, you should work for it and seek it. A good life doesn’t just fall at your feet.

  • What is the lifehack you can’t live without? 

It’s basic but sticking paperclips at the end of tape – you never lose the end! Sweet. I don’t know if this is a lifehack but I recently realised that the chocolate finger trays float in the bath. Now THAT is worth knowing!

  • Favourite quote? 

“I hate the word homophobia. It’s not a phobia. You are not scared. You are an asshole” – Morgan Freeman

  • What do you do to cheer yourself up when you’re feeling down? 

If I’m feeling down or stressed, I love to take a long shower. Something about the warmth and the water helps to me feel like I’m ‘washing away the stress’. That sounds lame – I’m aware. (Obviously that’s in addition to a cuddle from the FeyonceYAY 😊)

  • To live by the beach, city or in a small town?  

Definitely the beach! Sea makes me very happy. It’s my lifelong dream to have a bedroom where the double doors open up to a seaview. Maybe one day…

  • What is your ideal day? 

My ideal day is spent with my fiancé (obviously!) but we are really happy relaxing together. Today, we had a nice lazy morning followed by lunch out in Hove and then an afternoon/evening of relaxation and watching our favourite shows together on the sofa. It’s simple but it’s perfect. As long as we are together and chore free, it’s pretty awesome!

  • How do you keep yourself motivated to keep blogging? 

I’m still pretty new to blogging so the novelty hasn’t worn off. I enjoy thinking of topics from my life to discuss that I think might resonate with some others. It’s not too hard for me as I enjoy writing and I enjoy thinking back to my past and remember odd little memories that I may have supressed until now.

  • What food can someone wake you up for in the middle of the night?  

MINI EGGS. Always mini eggs. I have a worrying obsession.

  • What blog post are your most proud of? 

Well – I’ve only written four so far but I think I am most proud of the first one I wrote called ‘Howd’ya do?’. It was my first plunge in to the blogging experience and I didn’t really know if/how well it would be received. It’s been a great journey so far and I’m glad I went for it.

So, I now need to nominate 11 bloggers to answer my set of questions. I’m not entirely sure if any of these have been nominated already so apologies for duplication if so!

I nominate:












And now, here are some questions for my nominated bloggers:

  1. What’s your favourite song of all time?
  2. If you could tell your 14-year-old self one thing, what would it be?
  3. Is there something you kept to yourself a child that you wish you’d shared sooner?
  4. What was the single best day of your life and why?
  5. What is the one thing you want most in this life?
  6. What’s your favourite flavour of ice cream? (had to get less serious…)
  7. What’s the best holiday you’ve ever been on?
  8. If you could have dinner with three famous people, who would they be? (Dead or alive)
  9. What is your dream job?
  10. What is the kindest thing anybody has done for you?
  11. Finally, would you rather be a human with a mermaids tail, or a human with a fish head? Hmm?

Over n out x


It’s Just Such A Shock!

I don’t know if any of you have experienced this but when I came out to my Mum, she said it was the biggest shock. This has always baffled me for many reasons! I mean, I literally grew up in my football kit, attached to a football, wearing baseball caps backwards or in my teenage years, attached to my skateboard with a big chain hanging at my hip. Not trying to be stereotypical here and obviously there are lots of folk who don’t fit the stereotypes but you can’t argue that it doesn’t swing in my favour? She also asked me about four times in the months leading up to me coming out ‘you’re not gay, are you?’ (once at the dinner table in front of my Grandma – awkwaaaard!) This question alone means it was surely on the brain? But it’s understandable…

I was really worried about coming out for a long ole time. I knew my family weren’t going to love it as I’m from a family that are very aware and wary of other people’s opinions and I knew they’d assume the worst. I knew I wouldn’t be thrown out or disowned but I knew they would feel very upset. Looking back now, it really was an awful time and I don’t envy any of you that may be reading this, that are going through it at the moment. We are here for you! There are positives though and we must not forget those. It often brings you much closer to those family / friends in the long run as they really know you and who you are. It also is an amazing thing to go through in terms of building self-confidence and resilience. Looking back at my 29 years of life, that is the standout biggest accomplishment and maker of who I am today, that I can think of. It literally defines the rest of our lives!

Some excellent advice I received before I came out was to not expect the people around us to understand and accept it from the first second of them finding out. I know it’s what we all wish and hope for but realistically, when it took me four years to admit it out loud, why should I expect my family to hide their shock/ emotions from minute 1? It wouldn’t be fair.

This week, I received a message on twitter from someone who expressed feeling ‘lost’. They knew they weren’t straight but weren’t exactly sure what they were and were worried about the impact that this would have on friendships and relationships. It just reminded me how difficult it can be when you just want to have the answers and you want them now! I remember feeling desperate to just fully know who I am, what I want and what I was going to do about it. My key advice was to try and avoid labels if possible. I fully relate to wanting to know exactly where you fit in the world but as I’ve grown up, I’ve realised how unimportant it is. Sexuality really is fluid. I have a friend who labelled themselves as a lesbian in their teens but ended up with a man and another who was married with kids and then came out in their 60s! It isn’t essential to know your ‘label’ at this moment in time as it can all change tomorrow.

For those who are wondering, my mum was great when I came out. She struggled for a few days until we had a good talk. I explained that being gay is something that is natural to you from birth and to be happy in life you should admit it and live it. My sister struggled surprisingly (she is two years older than me). She refused to meet my girlfriend at the time for over a year. One day, we were out for dinner and she spoke about how she disagreed with gay people having children. This (obviously) really upset me and I cried at the dinner table. She also felt real guilt after this chat and hid away for the rest of the evening. The next day, she sent me an article on whatsapp about how gay parents are just as good as straight parents and she admitted that she isn’t always right about everything! She then invited my girlfriend at the time and I over for dinner and she apologised to us both. I instantly forgave her as I know it will have been hard to admit that she was wrong and again – these things are not instant and take time to sink in. She is now incredible and both she and my mum colluded with my fiancé on when and how to propose. It gives me such happiness to know that it was a joint plan and that my family really do give us their ‘blessing’.

No matter where you are on this journey now, I promise you it does get better!

“I love you a latte”

I bloody love a pun. For valentine’s day this year, my fiancé got me a card with some cute little coffee cups saying, “I love you a latte” and “words cannot expresso what you mean to me”. So cute. Lame. But cute. I got her one with some little avocados saying “You avo stolen my heart” HA! We deserve each other, right?

Those lame ass cards are a prime example of how I have met my match. Someone equally as cheesy as I; who appreciates a terrible pun but is loving in all the right ways. We were introduced through a mutual friend in 2016 and are engaged to be #wifes4life (ha) in July 2019. I can’t bloomin wait!

As I’ve mentioned before somewhere on this ‘ere website, I was seriously worried about coming out. This was for lots of reasons but one biggie was that I thought there was no way in hell I’d ever meet anyone and be happy. At some points, I thought I was more likely to meet a nice man who could be my best friend and I’d just fake the rest of it – the ‘love’ bit. It seems like such a daunting task, doesn’t it?

Someone told me once, just 1.7% of people identified as LGBT in 2015. This doesn’t put the odds in our favour does it? Of that 1.7% you have to find the ones that are of your desired gender, your desired age, THEN you have to actually fancy them. THEN they have to be available and in to you as well! BLOWS the mind. It seems scary and can lead to all sorts of poor decision making.

My first relationship came when I was 16. I met someone online. She lived a long way away (4 hours) but for some reason, we met and thought we’d give it a go. It didn’t seem likely to work but it also felt like a sort of ‘easing in’ to the lesbian lifestyle for me. After all, I was new and nervous. This easy going, take or leave relationship became a seven-year emotional rollercoaster! As all lesbos do, we grew closer very quickly and she made the move to my local area after a pretty short period of time. We were up against it in every way – young, poor, living with parents, highly dependent on me and my social life (as she didn’t know anyone else). Apart from a 2-month split, we managed to drag it out for seven years. I don’t mean that disrespectfully but had we been any older or more experienced in life, we may have realised our fate a little sooner. I remember us even having discussions like “well maybe it’s meant to be like this after 5/6/7 years. All couples must lose their spark eventually”……

That inevitably got a lot worse before it got better. We developed huge trust issues and eventually, the end of 2013 saw the end of our relationship. Cue those original 15-year-old me fears of ‘I will be alone forever’ which came rushing back with vengeance! I found myself filling every spare second of time with friends and activities just so I could avoid the bleak and honest truth that was my new and single life. If I gave myself a second to contemplate it, I spiralled in to a very ugly space of self-pity and such a lack of self-confidence. Of course, this in turn leads to more poor decision making. I ended up seeing someone who was the polar opposite of what I thought I wanted in a person. Not to say she wasn’t a brilliant human and she will inevitably make someone incredibly happy but we just weren’t compatible. A quick trip around the world with her gave me all the clarity I needed. I remember, while driving through the wilderness of the Pacific Coast of Australia, I was struck by a moment of absolutely lucidity! I knew what I had to do. To ever be truly happy, I had to face this fear of being alone head on. It was a scary prospect but I knew I just had to do it.

I came home and swiftly ended the relationship I was in. I bought a new flat for me to live in, totally alone. I also booked in to see a counsellor. This man ‘Rob’ is an absolute hero to me. We love Rob! He helped me tap in to my feelings of worry and anxiety. One day I was declaring to him how comfortable I am in my sexuality and I caught myself saying the sentence “You know, if I could take a pill to change it I would”…. what!?! This wasn’t me! I shocked myself and I shocked him. It took a lot of self-reflection and a lot of thinking time but he helped me to grow in confidence, to love time alone and to be ultimately and outwardly proud of who I am.

Funnily enough, very soon after I finished my time with Rob, life kinda fell in to place. A friend at work who had known about the journey I had been on decided it was time to introduce me to a good friend of hers. She said I was finally in the mental space and this other lass was equally in a good space, following a bit of turmoil in her own life. The stars aligned! This was another long distance set up as she lived about 1.5 hours away. But a recommendation from a trusted friend and a picture of this pretty lady was more than enough to entice me. An awkward introduction through Facebook and a few weeks of chatting led to our first date. The excitement I had about meeting this girl was intense. I had such a good feeling. We had already established that we make each other laugh and have lots of the same values. I felt like she was way out of my league but she seemed interested so I had to try. She was my dream woman – sporty, intelligent, funny but above all else she is extremely kind and trustworthy. We met for a drink at 4.30pm and we talked the night away. More drinks, a walk and dinner later, I knew I’d met her. I know it sounds as lame as those valentine’s day cards but I 100% honestly knew I’d done it. I even messaged my friends that night declaring “I’ve just had dinner with my future wife” – and here I am. Sat here on the carpet of the living room in the house that we bought together last year. Planning our wedding for next year.

Ooo, sorry about that – I totally went off on a hugely self-indulgent rant there. What I’m trying to get across is the importance of self-care, self-confidence and belief. Put those stats aside for a second, I am now 29 years old and I have many a gay friend – all of whom are in happy relationships. Some met their partners young, some have been in long term relationships, only to find that they were destined for somebody else all along. Others hadn’t met their soulmates until they were in their 50s/60s. Every one of you has your own path. The thing that is in your control is YOUR happiness. So, stay confident, stay positive and enjoy living! 🙂


What are you going to wear?

EUGH! The number of times I have been asked what I or my other half are going to wear to our wedding – it’s more than the number of times we have been asked when IS the wedding going to take place? Or.. what was the proposal like? Are you actually in love??  Y’know – important stuff like that. What is the obsession with the outfits?

Both myself and my fiancé have grown up with the classic lesbian ‘I hate dresses’ vibe. I wear them if I feel like I have to but on my own wedding day, I’d really like to feel comfortable in my own clothes. We have therefore opted to not wear dresses but perhaps to go for a chino and brogue and nice top/shirt situation. Thing is, we aren’t sure yet and we have just under 18 months to plan!

It did get me thinking about what this obsession is really all about? Perhaps it is intrigue!  Those who know me well know that a big white dress is highly unlikely so maybe they are just curious as to what route I will take. I think others are just generally confused by the whole concept of gay weddings. Not just the dresses but the whole day. How do you decide which surname to take? Do you have a first dance? Will there be vows?

It’s also human nature I guess. If we step out of the 21st Century for one tiny cotton-picking minute, we will think back to weddings with serious traditions. We all get tummy excitement about how ‘utterly beautiful’ the Bride will look and how ‘dashing’ the Groom will be and eveyone cries with joy and hyperventilates about how wonderful everyone is etc etc. My Mum is seriously clinging on to this thought. She has already asked me ‘Will whatever you wear be, at least, all white?’. She has also tried to factor in some serious logistics about how we will arrive at the venue without anyone seeing us so we can make our grand entance in to the ceremony and everyone can turn to be totally blown away by our jaw-dropping beauty and grace! Unfortunately for Mother dearest, I don’t think she has bargained on everyone turning around to see us in our shirts and converse..

Our day will be modern, non-traditional and a chance for a good old celebration with friends who are there to watch us get hitched. Perfect! Does it matter if we wear all white dresses or if my hair is half-up, half-down with flowers in (ha – another of Mother’s suggestions)? It shouldn’t do. That’s what I say.

So I hope future questions received about our big day will be ‘are you excited to be declaring your unconditional love to each other forever more?’ … or something a bit less weird but you get my flow!

I welcome your own comments, thoughts or experiences around this. Please comment below! 🙂

Howd’ya do?

This is a blog and life and love and everything between! I don’t want it to be all about me, however, I am going to begin by mentioning the fact that I am now 28 years old, engaged and very happy and settled in my little gay Brighton life but this isn’t a self – indulgent space for me to brag about it, k?

We all know that life can throw it’s bloomin great challenges at us and this is particularly true for the LGBT community. Whether you are coming to terms with your sexuality, unsure of it, scared of it, loving it, tolerating it… the list goes on. Times can be hard, man! I’ve been there. It took me six, yes SIX years to finally admit to myself that I am gay, let alone anybody else in my life. I gave myself any excuse I could think of. For example, “I don’t want to be alone with that boy because I’m shy!” or “I am fascinated by that girl because she is cool and I want to be just like her”. One of my most vivid memories is lying in bed one night and promising myself that if I really am gay, I will never tell a soul and I will force myself to be with a man forever more. Ha!

What was I thinking?! Being gay is brilliant and more so, being who you really are is essential! It’s taken me some time to come to terms with all that. I’ve had multiple relationships, therapies and long long looong conversations with friends but it’s true.

So I’m here to discuss the wonderful things about queer life. This doesn’t mean ignoring the bad but it means supporting those who are struggling by bringing out the humour and positivity in it all. It’s never as bad as it seems and all will be OK.

Come back soon for more on my past, present and future observations and for some sarcastic commentary on life events. They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit – so why is it the funniest?